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Things Dogs must try to Remember

  • I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

  • The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

  • I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

  • I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

  • I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

  • I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.

  • I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

  • I will not throw up in the car.

  • I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

  • "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.

  • I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

  • The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

  • I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.

  • I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

  • I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

  • When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

  • We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

  • I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

  • The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.

  • My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

  • I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Dad's driver's license and car registration.

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