Yes, Barbie is over 50 and officially joined the ranks of us seniors. Soon they will produce a Barbie we can relate to. At long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully. These are a bit more realistic...
Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion
frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain, and large-print
editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.
Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face
turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead.
Comes with handheld fan and tiny tissues.
Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her
whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.
Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these
new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, two-Muumuus
with tummy-support panels are included.
Bunion Barbie. Years of dancing in stiletto heels have
definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with
the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.
No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip
lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive
Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a
change, and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along
with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa
Valley to open a B&B.
Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken's house,
Ken's car, and Ken's boat.
Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she
sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and
tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex.