1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
2. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
3. No one is listening to you, until you pass gas.
4. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a car payment.
5. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away, and you have their shoes.
6. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
7. Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
8. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it may have been well worth it.
9. There are two theories about arguing with women. Neither one
10. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
11. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative at the same time.
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