As I sit down to write my hospital experience the first thing to come to mind is this: How ready is anyone to face a breakdown of the body? Everyone goes along thinking it couldn't happen to me. I really was ready for anything but it didn't happen that way.
The shocker is what actually took place. My numbers jumped sky high, my potassium went out of sync; that created a problem. I had to be hospitalized to start getting everything together. It was so hard to recognize that I had so little energy. I worked so hard trying to get my energy back but it was slow in coming. I lay in my hospital bed so worn out - too tired to take on any kind of activity.
The hardest thing of all was to find myself in such a bad shape and to have lost so much body strength. Keeping everything in sync is the answer and the only way to get that was to get rest. It's hard to get rest when every hour or so your numbers are checked. Either early morning or late at night someone would appear at your bedside to ask your permission to check your basic numbers.
Time doesn't seem to matter much in these situations. Time moves very slowly. It drags; the clock doesn't seem to move hardly at all. One day seems no different than the other. Here is the rub. The first day I am there I was told I was going to go home possibly that day. Never happened. I was taken off the list that day.
Day two the same thing happened. Today you may possibly go home. Oh look those numbers are not good. Day three and four turned out the same you realize that nothing is going to happen. You get use to the fact you will be here for another day or two. That is the hard part - the expectation. If I didn't have the expectation I wouldn't be so disappointed.
It's hard to be led up to the point where I am trying to make my body respond to the goal I seek so I can go home. At some point I resign myself to the fact that I have to let things go and let things happen. On day four and five come about and I am given the information I need to take home with me. New medications, new dates for doctor's appointments, and other important information I need to take home with me. I have to spend a certain amount of time on how important it is to have dedicated doctors and nursing staff. Each one of them plays a pivotal role in how rapidly you began to recover. Each one of them helps to make the hospital visit less painful.
The work really begins when you hit home. Foods have to be learned to taste good. Trying to find the limited amount of activity you need to move along is another step along the way. There is a word called patience that will come into play. Once that settles in the road will be easier to take. Here is when the mind takes over. Trying to control the mind is the hardest part. This has been a hard adjustment for me.
I was not expecting such a letdown in physical compatibility. This is what I start out to say. How ready is anyone of us to face the challenges that a hospital stay brings with it. If you can learn how to handle that to the best of your advantage the rest will come much easier.
When you are in the state of mind that each nudge your body feels becomes exaggerated you wonder what is happening internally. It's a new experience you never had to worry before. What can you do to eliminate those fears? Is there something to worry about?
If not, why are you spending that energy worrying about it? You can't make a mind stop worrying; you have to let it flow. Let it happen and try to let the flow of consciousness take over. I am hoping I am able to handle the mental part of this test. It is the test of mind over matter. I didn't realize I was going to come to this point.
From now on I am ready to take command of the present situation. Let's see how well I handle this situation.
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