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Dear Webby
Death of a Friend

Dear Webby,

I became close with a co-worker and her 80 year old mother. They moved out of state a few years ago but we kept in touch via email and phone.

Last summer she passed away from a stroke. She was only in her early 60's. Her mother was not tech-savvy and didn't know how to contact me. Two weeks later when I called to check on them I was shocked and distraught to find out the terrible news.

I checked on her mother but not often. I called to check on her today and her son said she passed away on my birthday a week ago. I knew she was older and her health had been declining but it hurts so bad.

What can I do now to honor the memory of these two wonderful women that I loved so dearly? I really want to do something for them and help me gain some closure.

Both were cremated so there is no grave to visit or deliver flowers. Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated.


Dear Tina,

God bless you! We all need friends like you!

Webby stopped everything after reading your e-mail and wrote cards to my friends who are in hospice or other nursing homes to let them know I care. We sometimes have to be reminded and Tina, you are (hopefully) opening the eyes of Webby's readers.

Readers: Be like Tina and keep in touch with people while they are still alive.

You have been a very good and caring friend. The deaths and lack of notice are not your fault.

Webby does not know your religious preference but often something can be offered in their memory. When my husband died, friends had a tree planted in his name and I often drive by it and it brings back memories.

If that is too expensive, why not plant tulips or something in your yard and each spring when they come up it will remind you of them?

There are many lonely, interesting people out there. Perhaps in their memory you can visit and make friends with another sick or aged person.

Webby feels your friends would appreciate your prayers and kindness to others more than flowers on a grave site. Many churches and organizations offer grief meetings where you can talk with people having a similar loss.

Next to the obituaries in newspapers, there is a place where you can have a memory item inserted. The workers at the paper will help you with it; this is a good way for other people who knew them when they lived here to find out about it.

Remember they are now watching over you and know that you miss them and care and someday you will be reunited.

Good luck,


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