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Advice from Dear Webby
Don't want the gentleman to visit

Dear Webby,

A gentleman friend from out of town has expressed an interest in visiting me and I agreed and set a tentative date. Now I have learned that he has a visiting routine with several ladies and I want no part of this. I need a suggestion for canceling the date without tilting my hand for personal reasons.

Signed: Changed my mind

Dear Changed,

It is a woman's prerogative to change her mind. Since you want to maintain the friendship we have to be a little discreet.

If you can write him (or e-mail), that would be the easiest. Tell him you are just devastated (you are, aren't you?) but a situation has arisen that will prevent you from keeping the date. You hope he will be back in town sometime in the future and that things will be less hectic. (Don't give more information)

If you have to call him personally, that's tougher. However, go the same route. Don't volunteer any information. If he presses, tell him it concerns a good friend whom he doesn't know that needs your help at this time. Don't go into specifics like they are moving, sick or whatever.

The less information offered the better. And don't say a particular date or time because he might come up with another date.

Just let him know that you will be unavailable during his stay here. If he pressing you for more information tell him you would like to be more specific but since he doesn't know them and he can't be helpful it would just be idle gossip (and of course you wouldn't do that.)

When and if he mentions it to other friends they will all be curious about your secret life. And that might be fun. Keep it secret. Good luck and let us know how it works out.


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