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Advice from Dear Webby
Too Heavy to Be Desirable?

Dear Webby,

I am a divorced female, age 51. I have been looking to meet a man for friendship and dating. I have tried many websites. However if one catches my eye and I respond to him, he wants nothing to do with me because I am a fuller figured lady.

I am attractive and dress well. I have no plans to decrease my weight (but if it happens it happens). I am a nice person and men are interested in me till they find out I am overweight.

To me the way a person acts and their personality is much more important than their looks and weight.

What is with these guys?

Dear Disappointed in web guys,

Webby agrees with you - personality is more important than poundage. Some people are very shallow and you are finding that out on the computer.

Some who get on the Web expect to find the "perfect mate" - right down to the color of their eyes do. Does that person exist?

Webby is not against making friendships on the web as long as you are very careful if you decide to meet up with someone. Do not give anyone personal information as to your finances and your address. There are a lot of great people out there but there are also a lot of creeps and it's hard to tell them apart in email.

Who are these guys that think the twenty-one year old super models are waiting for them on the web? Are they being honest about their own weight, height and other particulars - like amount of hair?

Most of the better web dating sites ask for all this information upfront. Webby assumes that you are being honest with your description so the suitors should know your physical attributes before contacting you.

You mention "if one catches my eye and I respond to him." Make sure you are not to blame as well. Are you only responding to Brad Pitt look-a-likes? Clean, neat, attractive and showing concern for one's appearance is realistic. Johnny Depp may not be.

Webby firmly believes in the old fashioned courtship rituals: join political clubs, church groups and activities around town that interest you. If you're looking to get fit, a gym is a good place to meet people and maybe kill two birds with one stone. You'll have fun and maybe Mr.Right will find you.

Don't let on that you're just there looking - it could scare a good- but-cautious man off. He might not even realize he is interested in dating till he meets you!

Let him see that you're overweight. If he is mature enough to look farther and meet the real you, a friendship may develop.

Don't waste your time on shallow idiots that can't see past your waist measurements. Webby suspects that Paris Hilton won't be looking for them either.

Webby has always felt that anyone who loses excess weight for health or personal reasons is to be commended. However, to change your appearance to meet another person's standard or so they will like you is giving them too much power. And do you really want to meet someone who only cares about appearances?

Be yourself and let the world meet the real you. There will be fewer disappointments. Remember it only takes one.

Keep us posted as you venture out there having fun and meeting real people with real values. Trust Webby - they are there.

Good luck,


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