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Advice from Dear Webby
Tells Wife She Can't Drive Anymore

Dear Webby,

My wife was never a good driver. Now that she's getting a little older, she is getting even worse.

So for her sake and the sake of everyone on the road, I told her she couldn't drive anymore. I can't tell you the screaming and hollering she did.

I guess she ran out of names to call me since now she's not talking to me at all. Was I wrong? What do I do now?

Living in Silence

Dear Living in Silence

Yes! Yes! Yes! You did wrong!

No one wants to be told they "can't do something" anymore - especially something they've always done - like drive. And especially by their spouse. Glad to see you are still alive.

Webby wishes she had more information. "She was never a good driver." Is that according to you or do others feel the same?

Could you be getting a little more nervous? Has she ever had an accident? Does she get tickets? You say she "is getting a little older." Has she turned 40 or 90?

If indeed she is a menace on the road, suggest she get her eyes tested. Is it time to renew her license?

Talk with her doctor if she is no longer competent at the wheel. See if he is willing to speak with her about it. How about her children or a loving family member or friend? Ask them to approach the subject is a kind and caring way.

Apologize to her for the abrupt way you "told" her she could no longer drive. Let her know how you worry about her safety and that of others.

Tell her you want her around for a long time. Acknowledge that not driving may be an inconvenience but many people do not drive and arrangements can be made so she can continue her active life.

Taking away driving privileges is a hard blow to people and one we all dread. But there comes a time when, for the safety of all of us, the tough decision must be made.

Webby hopes you are just a nervous passenger and your wife can continue to drive. If, however, that is not the case and her time has come to be the back seat driver, I hope she will learn to enjoy the chauffeuring.

There was a time when the lady preferred to be driven. I hope she sits back and enjoys the ride.

Good luck,


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