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Dear Webby

Dear Webby,

I have been married to my second husband for almost 25 years. For the last 16 years we are basically just roommates. He plays golf almost all year round - about 4 or more times a week. We don't go out very often.

I am so lonely I can't stand it. Does anyone else have this problem? Is there a golf widows club I can join?

Golf Widow

Dear Golf Widow

To each his own. Some women write that the only time they have peace and time to themselves is when their husband is playing golf. Others, like you, are lonely. The one thing all of you have in common is the "golf" word.

I assume money is not the problem because playing that much can become very expensive.

Sit down and explain to him how lonely you are, that you're at the end of your rope and something has to give. Make him feel that his company is important to you rather than attack his game. If he refuses to cut down the game time, remember there are 3 days left in the week.

Start planning events for the two of you on those days. How about a dinner out each week? Let him know you are not just being a crabby wife but really need and want his companionship.

I assume you both are retired and he's not playing 4 days after work. What did you do with your time when he worked? Have you developed any hobbies, interests and friends of your own?

We can't depend on any one person to be all things to us at all times. The only person who can give you full attention is yourself.

Now sounds like a great time to "find yourself." Start that golf widows club. A club you start yourself lets you pick who joins and what you want it to be. Are the people he plays with married? Maybe their wives are in the same situation.

Go to the senior centers and get active. Learn to play golf yourself (but not with him). How about a volunteer program, or take a course, or I could go on and on but you get Webby's drift.

Yes, he should be more attentive to your needs and hopefully he will be. In the meantime make a life for yourself. Hopefully in a short time he will be writing me about his very interesting wife and how he can get her to spend more time with him.

Many golf widows are content to have a putter and golf ball for their rival and not another woman.

Webby is counting on you to hit a hole in one. Please keep us posted on the score.


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