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Dear Webby

Dear Webby,

I am going to be getting married for the 3rd time. Both of my ex-wives are still friends of mine, but my fiancée is not very nice to them. I would like to have them at my wedding. Do you think I'm being unfair?

Staying Friends

Dear Friendly

Frankly your question makes Webby think you are entirely too friendly - or perhaps lacking in common sense.

Make a decision. Do you want a wife or an "old wives club"? It is very nice that after your divorces you have been able to remain friends, especially if you have children.

By the way, if you have children of the proper age that want to participate certainly you should include them just as you will after your marriage, and make sure your fiancée understands that. They are the part of your past that must remain a part of your future.

You should be civil to their mothers and maintain a friendly relationship in order to make your children comfortable. Other than that it is dangerous to your new marriage to hang out with former wives or to include them in your circle of friends.

I wonder what you mean by your fiancée not being very nice to them. Does she get along with other people? When does she have occasion to interact with them? Are you giving her any reason to feel uncomfortable? I am surprised the first two chose to be friends, (could they be comparing notes? Are you sure your coming out favorably)?

Make sure you're making the right decision this time. Remember why you got the 2 divorces. Marriage is a very sacred, serious relationship and should not be entered lightly. I hope a reasonable amount of time has past since your last divorce.

Your future bride has every right to keep them off the guest list. This is her day (you've had 2 before).

The women you married in the past are just that - in the past. You are moving into the future. Their presence would only be a distraction and remembrance for the other guests of those marriages.

If you two are having trouble about your circle of friends, or anything else, work it out now before the wedding. Remember three strikes and you're out!


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