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Dear Webby

Dear Webby,

I am 55 years old and getting married for the second time. My fiancé has been married twice before. His children want us to get a prenuptial agreement. He wants to honor their wishes. My children feel if he really loved me my wishes would come first.

Signed: Second time around

Dear Second,

Years ago pre-nups were the rarity not the usual. Not so today. But then second and third marriages were also few and far between.

I wish I had more details. Is he rich? Are you? Do either of you own homes? How is it you are both on second marriages, death or divorce? Perhaps he had a nasty divorce or short-lived marriage and was taken to the cleaners, so to speak. How old is he? How long have you known each other?

All this would add interest to the article and maybe a clue as to this dilemma. However the bottom line is pre-nup or no pre-nup.

I think you both have to sit down unemotionally and look at the facts; perhaps a lawyer's input would help. Figure out what each of you have and are willing to share or keep for your children.

Sometimes money and possessions from a previous marriage are better kept separate and the new couple starts over. I think there should be an agreement that possessions and money accumulated after the marriage be shared.

A will and or living trust plus the prenuptial would be wise. You should also consider possible tax ramifications.

Aside from the financial considerations, it is possible that his children are emotionally upset by the thought of loosing their mother's possessions, or things that their mother and father worked together to attain. (They could also just be greedy and not want to share with someone they don't know).

Perhaps with his two failed attempts they are not optimistic about his third walk down the aisle.

We don't want him or his children to think we are marrying him for his money (and not his looks) or that we are stupid and naive (only beautiful) and without any business sense.

Too bad reality has to seep into the fantasy world.

Good Luck to all - children, fiancé and especially to you.


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