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Now that I'm Older and Wiser

  • There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
  • When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog that barks all the time run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
  • If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
  • A penny saved is a government oversight.
  • The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
  • The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
  • He who hesitates is probably right.
  • If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
  • The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
  • Living on earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
  • Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.
  • How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
  • Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.
  • If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
  • Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.
  • If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?
  • You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
  • Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
  • Don't cry because it's over: smile because it happened.
  • A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
  • Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.
  • Once over the hill, you pick up speed.
  • I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
  • If not for STRESS I'd have no energy at all.
  • Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
  • Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
  • I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.
  • You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.
  • Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
  • We cannot change the direction of the wind... but we can adjust our sails.
  • If the shoe fits......buy it in every color (YES!)
  • Have an awesome day, and know that someone has thought about you today


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