Q. What should be my role (if any) when talking to my grandchildren (ages 6,8,10) about their parent's upcoming divorce?

I would like to be able to say it was all HER fault, but really my son is the one who cheated and I'm very angry with him.

A. Unfortunately, children are many times the first casualties in divorce.

In most cases, they are exposed to a significant amount of confrontation and conflict from their parents before, during and many times after divorce process. This can result in a strong sense of loss and lack of trust, which can remain with them well into adulthood.

If "hard feelings" are verbalized by extended family members (grandparents, aunts, uncles), it can easily reinforce these feelings of abandonment.

Your "role" in this process is to remain as reasonably objective as possible, attempting to keep the focus (and responsibility) on mom and dad in answering the children's questions.

Q. I have always been a little absent-minded, but now that I'm in my 70's my family is concerned that I am experiencing Alzheimer symptoms.

I share a small amount of their concern -but honestly not much. Should I be more worried and is there anything at this stage that can help?

A. The Alzheimer's Association has designed checklists for individuals (and their families) who are concerned about the disease:

1. Memory loss that affects job skills.
2. Difficulty performing familiar tasks.
3. Problems with language.
4. Disorientation to time and place.
5. Poor or decreased judgment.
6. Problems with abstract thinking.
7. Misplacing things.
8. Changes in mood or behavior.
9. Changes in personality.
10. Loss of initiative.

If you and your family discover that this checklist applies to you, follow up with your physician for further testing and treatment recommendations.

Q. My husband has been down right mean ever since he retired (2 and one half years ago) I'm either going to bop him one or leave him if things don't change.

Is this a normal kind of transitional thing because of the retirement and if it is - does it end???

He's never been the nicest guy on the block, but he's never been mean before and I've about had it. can you help?

A. "Retirement does NOT agree with everyone!"

This is a phenomenon that many people overlook today. For many adults, retirement can instill strong feelings of fear and loss. (I believe this is especially true for the pre-baby boomer generation.)

As with any significant loss, there needs to be a period of mourning, followed by "filling the void" retirement created.

In response to your question, you may try suggesting to your husband to pursue activities which give him a sense of pleasure and accomplishment (with or without you).

If he rejects this or appears unmotivated to change, you might suggest he talk with his physician to rule out a depressive disorder.